A Few Funny Auditor Experiences

Dear All,

This is actually a (long unseen) repost which I accidentally found among my old files.

I thought it might entertain the start of the weekend.

Real_Audit_Experiences.doc   26.5KB   383 downloads

Rgds / Charles.C

I heard that during an audit, the person showing the auditor the warehouse was telling him how they had no rodents. Two minutes later, a mouse scampered over the auditor´s foot!

Hahaha... A lot of funny things to tell, though it seems a bit 'sarcastic' somehow...

Short Story #3 is great, I've been in a similar situation.

When I was a QC Assistant, I was shadowing the Technical Manager who was showing the Auditor around our Chilled Stores. Tucked away next to the storage samples was a Plastic Bag full of sandwiches & biscuits...
The auditor had a quick look through and said "These Shouldn't be in here should they?" to which the Technical Manager replied "No, but we didnt want you to have warm sandwiches for your lunch"

Short Story #3 is great, I've been in a similar situation.

When I was a QC Assistant, I was shadowing the Technical Manager who was showing the Auditor around our Chilled Stores. Tucked away next to the storage samples was a Plastic Bag full of sandwiches & biscuits...
The auditor had a quick look through and said "These Shouldn't be in here should they?" to which the Technical Manager replied "No, but we didnt want you to have warm sandwiches for your lunch"

Excellent! I find a Smart Alec joke always gets through the tough exterior of an auditor. Well maybe not.

Keep them coming I’m enjoying reading these.

Interesting experiences. I liked the Cobra one.

Well my vote goes for number 4.

What about a supposed sealed manhole of a canceled rain draining pipe. It was accidentally unsealed and nobody noticed, until the day of the audit, rat feaces were found in there, .

Regards,

FSSM

A couple come to mind:

Bat out of Hell
My audit was going really well, the auditor had commended the standards in the factory and I was looking forwards to a pat on the back..........
But the last part of the audit was to check our packaging store, it was new and everything was automatic so I didn't anticipate any problems. The entrance door opened as we approached and the lights came on......then out of nowhere a bat swooped down and nearly hit us! Our pest control contract certainly didn't include bats!
In the end the auditor saw the funny side but I can't say bats are my favourite creatures.

Grumpy Old Auditors
We had 2 ex-Environmental Health Officers come to do a third party audit. They didn't really know what they were looking for and raised a number of insignificant items as minor non-conformances that when totalled up made a major non-conformance in the audit summary. At the closing meeting I had a "Barney" and said that the report was no reflection on the standard of the factory and that we had just gained approval from x,y and z. My boss joined in and I could see them shrinking...... they asked for an adjournment and 15 minutes later they presented an alternative report with a couple of minor non-conformances.

Tony

Excellent thread.

A couple not really that funny but of interest.

1. An auditor from a large food company who make peanuts (two letters) came with a miners light on his head and spent most of his time crawling underneath lockers and behind wall voids.
2. Many, many auditors pontificate all day through dozens of pages of an audit checklist and never send the audit report through– what’s that all about?

Regards,
Simon

Dear All,

A few cartoons for the weekend, slightly OT except for the first one.

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Rgds / Charles.C

Ok, I would never advocate this but in one food business I was in they had a habit of messing up as soon as the auditor walked into the door. Once I stood in front of a dolav of product on hold with a note saying "c*** quality" on it and pointed to the right saying through here is the assembly room... Completely fooled.

Later in the audit, while checking the metal detection with a trained line leader, the check failed. The line leader wasn't going to stop the line, while the auditor's back was turned, I pressed the emergency stop and glared at the line leader who then followed the procedure he should have. The auditor raised a random minor non conformance for the metal detector failing but praised us for "following the right procedure". I was too pleased not to have had a critical that I didn't bother arguing that the failure was not really a non conformance...

That reminds me of a check weighing company that was trying to sell me one of their products. They took me to a factory to show me their "show piece" system working in situ.

They second line I looked at was running at below average weight and had been for a while. All the product produced that morning was in fact illegal and the system had failed to notify the operator. The sales representative nearly died on the spot. I felt sorry for him and didn't give him a hard time but needless to say I didn't buy the check weighers!

I was at an audit a few years back and at the time was a smoker. During the lunch break I nipped out to the smoking shelter to have a quick fag and the smoke hut was full of people from the factory.

One bloke turned round to me and said " Have those f**king auditors finished yet?"

I just finished my fag and said "Im just going back to finish the audit......I am one of those f**king auditors."

Poor bloke almost died on the spot - but it made me smile for the rest of the day.

Dear techy,

Nice one.

Reminds me of a process area I inspected where the engineers were hurriedly hanging a single, very large sign from the ceiling as I walked in. The text was: NO SPITTING

It’s nice to be warned when you’re not wanted !

Rgds / Charles.C

I have to share one of my favorite experiences. I was being given a tour of a very very small plant. They were proud of their place and their product. I saw most of the production floor but it seemed to be a quiet day with only some of the equipment running. The person giving me a tour said "Too bad you aren't here on Thursday. On Thursdays we do HACCP" !!!

I was at an audit a few years back and at the time was a smoker. During the lunch break I nipped out to the smoking shelter to have a quick fag and the smoke hut was full of people from the factory.

One bloke turned round to me and said " Have those f**king auditors finished yet?"

I just finished my fag and said "Im just going back to finish the audit......I am one of those f**king auditors."

Poor bloke almost died on the spot - but it made me smile for the rest of the day.

You made me remind one similar, the auditor was checking the W.C. room, then a co-worker came through and asked: What? auditors check the W.C. too? Then, the auditor came out of it and said, Yes we do!

Thanks God he didn´t said anything more f**king st*p*d.

Regards,

FSSM

Greetings,
I am sharing few of my experiences, its interesting but not funny.

Once upon a time during the audit the auditors (2) came along with their auditors (being audited by higher officials- accreditation council members), all of them went to visit the facility and they follow company officials, they visited the complete facility except one place (freezers) which is one of the starting point from where the production starts. Then they split to do the audit department wise, checked all the records, documents, procedures, etc. at-last at end of day the accreditation council member was asking indirectly to our auditors, how these people were making products, how they were purchasing and storing raw materials and what type of raw materials they have???

So what, think about the situation and let me know your comments for the same...

Audit was little strict...

Dear techy,

Nice one.

Reminds me of a process area I inspected where the engineers were hurriedly hanging a single, very large sign from the ceiling as I walked in. The text was: NO SPITTING

It’s nice to be warned when you’re not wanted !

Rgds / Charles.C

Think Positive, Charles. Although its hard when being an auditor

My vote goes for #3 only because I think we do the same thing every time. Hey why set yourself up for 'failure'......haha

Story #3 was gold:

Auditor: According to the sticker, the next calibration is due today.

QC Manager: It is. But I cancelled the guy coming in.

Auditor: Why?

QC Manager: Because you're here.

Auditor: So, do you stop making product just because I'm here?

QC Manager: No...but we make the stuff we know we won't screw up on.<br style=""> <br style="">

Auditors seem to have a magical effect on metal detectors.

I would guess that in about 10-20% of the audits that I do, there is a problem with the challenge test I make on them.

You know very well that the company will have made several checks before the audit and it is all working wonderfully. As soon as the auditor stands in front of it, it fails.

Provided that the correct action is taken, I don't get too excited about it. The same thing has happened to me when I have been audited

I have to admit being the person who hit the emergency stop as a metal detector check failed and my operator was stood like a dear in headlights. Fortunately the auditor didn't see it was me who stopped the line!

I'm considering taking up smoking. I suspect you get left alone and see a lot more on that trip to and from the smoking area!

Following a recent product inspection I was reliably informed by a Quality Manager that it was practically impossible to supply the correct product, as our mutual customer had failed to distribute accurate specifications, and any documentation that might be in existence had not been provided to them - the suppliers. His claim was just slightly undermined by the fact that when we pulled the file and reviewed the specifications, they actually had his own signature at the bottom of every page.

Usually wrong, so just occasionally its nice to be right!

Following a recent product inspection I was reliably informed by a Quality Manager that it was practically impossible to supply the correct product, as our mutual customer had failed to distribute accurate specifications, and any documentation that might be in existence had not been provided to them - the suppliers. His claim was just slightly undermined by the fact that when we pulled the file and reviewed the specifications, they actually had his own signature at the bottom of every page.

Usually wrong, so just occasionally its nice to be right!

I've been on both side of the track, when young and inexperienced I used to try and cover over cracks and hide things, but as I got more experienced I actually guided auditors to opportunities for improvement (that I wanted done) and when caught out held my hands up, it's the best policy. If you are gonna have your teeth pulled you may as well sit back and relax rather than getting battered and bruised and still lose a tooth. On the flip side I have seen many inexperienced auditees doing the same until backed into a inescapable corner. It's all part of the game, the hunter becomes the hunted and vice versa.

Regards,
Simon

I have recently been through a very thorough customer audit. I'm afraid the company I work for had delusions of grandeur. After having no Hygiene Manager for over 9 months then employing me 3 months ago they expected to pass a hygiene audit first time.

My line manager was keen to push this through and thought we were on to a winner. I told him that in no uncertain terms that we were going to be lucky if they agreed to give us the chance to supply them but on the condition we changed certain things in an agreed timeframe.

I had upped my staff on shift in preparation for the audit from 5 to 6. The night before the audit my boss said to me - "make sure that once we are safely through this audit you drop your staff levels again"

The audit went disasterously. An Apple Brandy bottle was found in a storage area and when removing machinery panels during the hygiene audit the engineer that was with us had a tough time get one panel off. It took 20mins and when removed it was incredibly dirty.

In his summing up the auditor said that the problem was only 10% the responsibility of the hygiene team and 90% failings in the engineering design of the machinery. He said the machines had been designed to carry out the production function but no consideration had been given to actually cleaning them.

He also asked about my staff levels. When told I only had 6 people on everynight he suggested we doubled or even tripled that. My bosses face was an absolute picture!